In Case Of Emergency Break Fourth Wall (The Messenger Archive Book 3) Read online

  "You are requested to remain in the vault," the drone repeated.

  Avery side-stepped around it, then started to run. Loap hesitated for just a moment before doing the same, chasing after him. It was strange running in such low gravity and Loap found he had to keep using the walls as much as the floor to keep going evenly.

  "What if it informs on us?" he yelled.

  "Loap, I love you dearly, but they already know it's us. Just keep up with me. I'm going to need your claws if this goes south."

  "My... wait, what?"

  ***

  [Ashroe: Oh my god. I need more Loap and Ithon in my life.]

  [Sianor: Loap basically needs to go out on more missions so he can huff angrily at people.]

  [Ashroe: I wonder if they keep him out of most action sequences because of the whole costume thing?]

  [Sianor: Yeah, it must be really hot under all those prosthetics and stuff.]

  [Ashroe: Same with Kre. 'Let's make a warrior species of fluffy – crap. Okay, let's have a peaceful warrior so the actress doesn't faint.']

  [Sianor: And let's have space battl– ah, let's have space... ballet?]

  [Ashroe: A few flashy laser type lights and the rest in a QUARRY.]

  [Ashroe: Okay, not a quarry. A few more locations than the Old School stuff.]

  [Sianor: I do like how they vary between CG and what I assume is real location work.]

  [Ashroe: Some of it is. And it's amazing how many planets in every fictional universe look startlingly like the same few hundred square feet of terrain. Almost like... intelligent location work design.]

  [Sianor: My favourite is still the Virtual Reality set, though. I know it's kind of a cliché to do that, but it was really cute and trippy.]

  [Ashroe: Do not mock the VR! The method of shoe-horning in any historical setting or character you want! The deadly safeties turned off and the virtual homicidal maniacs!]

  [Sianor: Many a fic was birthed in there, too.]

  [Ashroe: You know if VR was available, we'd totally just program it to re-enact our fanfics.]

  [Sianor: !!!]

  [Ashroe: And I would only slightly feel guilty.]

  [Ashroe: On account of it's not really making people make out for me.]

  [Ashroe: So it isn't morally bankrupt.]

  [Sianor: I – you think... you think we'll see VR that good, ever?]

  [Ashroe: In my lifetime? God only knows. There's been so many huge jumps since I was born that I really don't think I can predict it any more. All I know is most of what Star Trek thought of – except maybe Transporters – is eerily closer to fruition or already here than I ever dreamed of.]

  [Ashroe: Still want my jetpack though.]

  ***

  Chapter Fifteen – Mission: Outstation

  "How long can we keep their network down, Fluffy?"

  "Not very much longer, Captain," Kre replied. "The routine Toan gave us is only one use, and once they have worked out how to remove it from their network we will not be able to turn their systems off again."

  "I still don't get why they don't have secondary, autonomous systems," the Captain groused. "Like, they should know if they have a network that it's vulnerable to attack."

  "They do. They have a secondary – and indeed tertiary – backup." Kre's whiskers flared around a silent laugh. "Toan's developers considered that. The only thing still running is essential life support. And anything that has an onboard battery and the processing power to work during temporary loss of mainframe."

  "Huh. Remind me to send Toan a Christmas card."

  "If you sent them, I would," Saidhe chimed in. "Your list is very long. It is also never used."

  "...I forget when Christmas is! It's hard to keep track of Earth-time when you're in the black!"

  "If we are intending to 'skirt the bubble', we should do so rapidly," Kre cut in. "It will not be long before their external security systems are operational again."

  "Okay, punch it, Sparkle."

  ***

  "I believe I hear footsteps," Loap said. "I believe they are headed in our direction."

  "You don't miss a trick, do you?" Ithon grabbed hold of one of Loap's straps and used it to spring around a corner and keep up the momentum, dragging the Roq behind him.

  They got to a corridor that looked entirely like all the others, but which was apparently the right one. Avery pressed his face to the glass and peered through, then he caught a glimpse of an illuminated gun-sight in the reflection. He shoved off from the window and back into Loap, covering his body with as much of his own as he could. Loap was heavy and solid behind him, and it was not the most comfortable experience he could remember undergoing.

  "Surrender!" came the voice of one of the security staff. "You have a count of three to surrender, or we will shoot."

  "We're pinned, and unarmed. You scanned us on entry. You know we're not carrying weapons," Ithon shouted back. "Don't you think shooting us for legally withdrawing my property is bad for business?"

  "You broke out of the vault after a security breach on this facility. You will surrender in: three, two—"

  He never hit one, though, because there was a sudden heavy shudder, a sound of breaking glass and a rain of shards. Ithon put both hands on Loap's chest-harness and jumped up. His feet pressed into the wall behind him, shoving them violently away and through the broken glass into the green space between the corridors.

  "Warn me!" Loap begged, claws scrabbling for purchase in the various Earth grasses.

  Ithon was already bouncing up and onto the Messenger's hull as if this was all a game of parkour. The tall man looked almost like those monkey creatures that they were said to descend from right now, and Loap wished he'd asked anyone else to go undercover with him. Behind, the guards were already laying down fire and Loap felt something singe close to his calf. He went the much more direct route around behind the vessel, jumping up into the open cargo bay and clipping his harness on to the waiting straps.

  "We got 'em," Biann yelled loudly. "Both of 'em."

  Loap felt the angled door start to lift up to a shut position, but he didn't want to run any more. Even with the low gravity making movement easier, the shock of it all made his heart race ridiculously fast.

  "I hate him," he growled. "I am never going out on a mission with him again."

  "Never say never," Ithon said, sliding fingers over his crest-scales as he sashayed his way towards the bridge.

  "Brace," came Saidhe's voice just before she gunned the engines to give the security on the hull something to think about.

  ***

  [Ashroe: You are evil.]

  [Sianor: Why now?]

  [Ashroe: Sneaking action sequences on me without plotting them out.]

  [Sianor: When you start trying to plot them out, you always freak out and go off on a tangent and send me five hundred pictures of cats.]

  [Sianor: And some of them are even scary.]

  [Ashroe: That was ONE time and I apologised.]

  [Sianor: I am scarred for life.]

  [Ashroe: I have an evil sense of humour.]

  [Sianor: So we noticed!]

  [Ashroe: 'We'?]

  [Sianor: Uh, royal... we?]

  [Ashroe: Uhuh.]

  [Sianor: So I totally got my dad a new hobby.]

  [Ashroe: Should I be worried?]

  [Sianor: Nope! He's been bored senseless so I dragged him around to all the craft places for our costumes, and he then asked if we were taking a ship.]

  [Ashroe: A... ship?]

  [Sianor: Yeah, like a model ship. He got it into his head that we should.]

  [Ashroe: If they made them, I would buy them.]

  [Sianor: I know, right? Shut up and take my money! Anyway, we don't have a 3D printer but he is reasonably good with wood glue and the little saws.]

  [Ashroe: Is he going to make us a Messenger?]

  [Sianor: Yes!]

  [Ashroe: For reals?]

  [Sianor: Yeah! I mean, he would totally make them to s
ell but I don't know what the stance would be on that.]

  [Ashroe: All for us then.]

  [Sianor: Also I told him about what happens at conventions because he'd only really heard about the – you know – stuff everyone hears about. So I showed him some videos and con reports and he said it sounds awesome.]

  [Ashroe: He's not going to try gatecrashing is he?]

  [Sianor: No, but he might well take me to other cons. Or tag along sometimes. If we go to others in the future, I mean.]

  [Ashroe: Your dad is officially cool.]

  [Sianor: Mom also said she'd help out by being my model. Like, my dress-making model. She's a bit more of a rake than you.]

  [Ashroe: Are you calling your girlfriend overweight?]

  [Sianor: Nope! Calling my mom a barely-eats-anything-other-than-salad. You're perfect the way you are.]

  [Ashroe: Now I can't make Yo Mama jokes. Sigh.]

  [Sianor: Nope, you'll have to be original instead.]

  [Ashroe: BURN.]

  [Sianor: Anyway.]

  [Ashroe: Is it time for Meta With Mandy yet?]

  [Sianor: What?]

  [Ashroe: You usually have something to say about the ep so I was waiting for it!]

  [Sianor: Ohhh. Okay. Yes. Give me a second, I need to write it all up.]

  [Ashroe: I can wait.]

  [Ashroe: <('.'<)]

  [Ashroe: (>'.')>]

  [Ashroe: _(_;.;_)_ ]

  [Sianor: What's the term for when the Aesop is so heavy you can't breathe? Uh... anvilicious! That's it. Yes, that was anvilicious. I mean, I know it's generic sci-fi-soap-opera-western thing and it's issue-of-the-week, but that was laying it on so thick I couldn't actually tell what cake was under the frosting. And it totally garbled the message for me. At first I thought it was about civil liberties and freedom of expression, but it felt like it was hacked together with a second episode half way through and that one was about feminism. Or some –ism. Ism-ism. Isms as a whole. Anyway, ugh, someone tell them to stop trying to preach and tell the story and let the lessons come through automatically. Please. Also I totally have to geek out because other than the moralising I totally did that whole arc for Saidhe in one of my early fics and she even said dialogue that was pretty much what I had her say. So I felt like I have her character on point. And that made me smile soooo much. Then we got actual JUDGE making a mistake! Like he isn't Mr Perfect! I think that was a nice touch and it humanised him a bit more. He's usually too Awesome and it sort of upsets me a bit. Davey needs to stop flirting with Mes. Or – well – Kip. But I think it's Davey. Because it wasn't the lines, it was the delivery. And also I really, really want one of those toys that Loap had. And.... that's it.]

  [Sianor: Wait, what is that last little person doing?]

  [Ashroe: Art.]

  [Sianor: It's doing art?]

  [Ashroe: Art means you bring your own meaning to my random collection of typographical presentations.]

  [Sianor: O...kay.]

  [Ashroe: What do you think he's doing?]

  [Sianor: Trying real hard to poop?]

  [Ashroe: And there the magic is gone. Just like that.]

  [Sianor: If we're going to date seriously, you need to accept that poop happens.]

  [Ashroe: I think you mean 'shit happens'. And yes, I do. But it should happen far away from me.]

  [Sianor: Except when you're doing it.]

  [Sianor: Hehehe. Sorry. Okay, I'll stop. I'm just surprised you're squeamish, considering.]

  [Ashroe: I'm not. I just... okay. So yes, let me read that wall of text.]

  [Sianor: ^(_*.*)^]

  [Ashroe: First: how dare you copy my art. Those are my characters and I will not stand for it.]

  [Sianor: Fair use! Parody!]

  [Ashroe: Harumph. At least put in some gay.]

  [Sianor: (>'.')=?(:_*.*)]

  [Ashroe: Better.]

  [Ashroe: And on the meta, yes I agree. I do wonder if it's two writers, or if it was two stories, or if someone lost the pages half way through or what.]

  [Sianor: The really on-point stuff they do is – super awesome. But you do wonder how when they're given such a huge budget they can roll out... crap?]

  [Ashroe: Yeah. I also want that toy.]

  [Sianor: Is it wrong that I want to write an episode tag? Fixing the issues?]

  [Ashroe: No. But please keep it away from me in the germination stage. Or else it will turn into another three-part epic.]

  [Ashroe: Probably with Kior-Dhalias in.]

  [Sianor: We're doing a Show you know.]

  [Ashroe: What?]

  [Sianor: Forgetting to put them in. We're subconsciously echoing the lack of representation.]

  [Ashroe: Wow. You're right. I could lie and say it was because of the proportionate number of them in the actual universe, but that's just me talking out of my hat. Which I will then eat.]

  [Sianor: Will it be tasty?]

  [Ashroe: Absolutely. My hat is made of the finest spun sugar.]

  [Sianor: What happens when it rains?]

  [Ashroe: I get out my umbrella.]

  [Sianor: Hehe.]

  [Ashroe: I'm going to love you and leave you, if that's okay? I need to take my little brattlings to the zoo. I promised. So I should sleep before I'm Zomb!Kay.]

  [Sianor: Don't call them brattlings to their faces though.]

  [Ashroe: Oh I do. I call them little monsters, devils, terrors... they laugh and love it.]

  [Ashroe: Remember they are at least a... uh... actually I don't think they necessarily have to have any DNA in common with me.]

  [Sianor: Nope! But they could do.]

  [Sianor: You'd be able to find that mitochondrial thing. The matrilineal DNA stuff that links us all together.]

  [Ashroe: I saw that on another show once, I'm sure.]

  [Sianor: Get me a plushie from the zoo.]

  [Ashroe: Any animal requests?]

  [Sianor: Whatever looks most like Kre. Or Eru.]

  [Ashroe: So noted.]

  [Sianor: Sleep well love.]

  [Ashroe: You too xxx]

  ***

  Vadim peered at the small, weirdly-angular red box. Ithon had placed it on the bed they shared, sitting with one leg bent underneath him and toying with the laces on his boot. "That's it?"

  "What were you expecting?"

  "I dunno. Something less weird-looking."

  Ithon shrugged.

  "Are you going to open it?"

  "Waiting for the Judge."

  "Because...?"

  "Because it's biometrically sealed. It has my seal and his, and it needs both within quick succession to avoid frying the contents."

  "Oh. And you picked him because...?"

  "Because if I turned up at your airlock with a box and said: 'Please help me lock this', what would you have said?"

  "Uh... first: Why? Second: What's in the box?"

  "Precisely."

  Peters slipped into the room, nodding politely at them both. "The usual?" he asked.

  "If you'd be so kind."

  The Judge put his hand flat onto the box, letting it read his vital signs. He spoke a few words and the seal around the box glowed faintly white. Peters handed it to Ithon who did the same. Then Ithon looked up. "Ask again?"

  "Ask... what? What's in the box?"

  Which was when it snicked open, the clasp unfastening to reveal a tablet inside. "This."

  "Which looks... boring? And why did you make me ask?"

  "No reason." Ithon turned the tablet on, flicking through screens. "This holds the information I gathered with the intention of handing it over to Baudeline. All my reports and notes and suspicions and threads of inquiry. I sealed it first, wanting to approach him to discuss it before he saw how much work I put into this."

  "Is it enough to convict him?" Kip asked.

  A shake of the head. "If it was, I would... I wouldn't have gone to him to discuss it, naturally. But it's certainly enough to start off with, enough to give us some leads. A lot of them will be d
ead now – literally – but there's electronic evidence and the public record of Baudeline's convictions to cross-reference."

  "We should split the tasks up," the Judge said. "Ithon, you already know the material. You should assign elements to each of the crew members."

  "...no giving me the crappy-ass stuff," Vadim groused.

  "I wouldn't dream of it, darling."

  ***

  Chapter Sixteen – Mission: Infusion

  Vadim hadn't been born on Earth. He'd been born out on Mimas to a family of agricultural 'pioneers'. He'd hated it there, took the first job he could to get away. Still, he'd been several times and there was always that certain something about the Human homeworld. It was too industrialised and over-crowded for his liking, though it was less over-full than Aniba.

  Ithon had been born here, in the European Peninsula. It made sense that he'd returned here after Kip had left, he guessed. Regression to what was familiar. Although they'd discussed it somewhat, he realised he didn't know the extent to which his leaving the Ur had affected the other man.

  Very carefully Saidhe brought them in to a small, unassuming dock in a place called Carlisle, somewhere on the northern edge of Old England. Like most of Earth it was heavily urbanised with tall, efficient buildings of staggered profiles. They landed on the uppermost roof and Biann went to pay the duties and taxes to moor there. Most businesses and privately owned buildings would allow ships to land on them and connect to the grid for a nominal fee, leaving the crew to live in the ship and not disturb the residents. They were under some new false name but, as Ithon had booked them in with someone he trusted, there wasn't much call to remember it.